Old Dogs New Tricks
May ‘22
One inevitable characteristic of the human condition, is unrelenting competition. Grounded in the Darwinian origin of our species; survival of the fittest, kill or be killed, law of the jungle, dog eat dog. Whether this is viewed as tragic or magnificent often depends on personal perspective, as history is typically written by the victorious.
Perhaps this is why the Bike Shed London Show - placing over 300 professional and amateur ‘shed built’ bikes on display in a chic riverside warehouse - is deliberately NOT a competition. It is a curated community celebration. A weighty push back against the compliant sterilisation and standardisation of mass manufactured motorcycling. ‘Built not bought’ remains the mantra. Of course, it also happens to be a thriving commercial venture. An important part of an aspirational brand identity that draws folk to a retro lifestyle, a clothing range and a bar in Shoreditch. Like many other annual gatherings, the May 2022 show returned to Tobacco Dock after prolonged pandemic absence.
Except, because humans are involved, there is competition. This immediately surfaces in a few casual conversations with those exhibiting their immense achievements. All admit to checking out the bikes sharing the same platforms, especially builds based on identical engines or shared styles. Sharp and pithy observations surge forth regarding swinging arm quality, the true definition of ‘manufactured’ parts, paint schemes, use of technology. All suggesting that shed bike building is, after all, a supremely competitive endeavour.
The other dominant sentiment is pride. Firstly, to be chosen to occupy a treasured Bike Shed display stand but mostly just to share the results of their vision, skill and sheer graft. In general, grins are enormous, with a prevailing sense that the more amateur the protagonist the greater the chest puffing. It is infectious but beware the draw of ‘the project’. In keeping with all Grand Designs, it is clear that resources of time and money are frequently underestimated and stretched beyond boundaries.
Maybe you love motorcycles but become a little suspicious where style begins to wrestle with substance. Perhaps a more cynical take arises when considering the ratio of time spent in a shed versus actually riding. Failure to set aside these concerns with haste risks missing out on a wonderful Aladdin’s Cave, with a bit of something inside for everyone. This is truer than it has ever been due to the ever expanding diversity of biking taste. Don’t like choppers? There are scramblers. Don’t like flat trackers? There are street fighters. Don’t like bobbers? There are futuristic eco-warrior stealth mopeds. Well….there’s one…
In truth, even if you don’t particularly share an interest in motorcycles at all, the gallery-like presentation of the artefacts offers a visual reward and a cultural hook. An abundance of relaxing spaces are to be found with inclusive activities for family and friends. For those of us circulating the bike show block for the umpteenth time - let’s face it, we are disproportionately well represented - there is the added boost of little nostalgia pills to be taken at every turn. Whether it’s a shiny cafe racer drawn on the canvas of a teary-eyed seventies two stroke or a crushing six cylinder CBX muscle bike, wistful memories of missed opportunities, lost loves and legendary past deeds of derring-do will rush, arc and spiral around you. There are plush sofas everywhere, best take a moment or two.
Time to sweep away the competitive denial and award Superbike Island rosettes for 2022. A podium loaded with prejudice, personal preference and a total absence of objectivity. How else are prizes awarded in such circumstances? The approach (and the outcome) is similar to Crufts, where Best in Show is drawn from breed groups, resulting in a ceremony which you and your Great Dane watch in abject horror, as a toy poodle prances away with the trophy. Stretching the canine analogy to snapping point, enjoy a photo above of the actual best dog in show (a sweet Cocker Spaniel).
1. Best in Show & Champion Boxer (BMW Flat Twin)
Amber by Mike Turner
Not a precise estimate, but of the 300 or so bikes on show, around a million of them are Bavarian boxer twins. That should make this victory as sweet as the great globs of tank nectar that immediately draw the eye. Opposed cylinders poke out like giant mint humbugs fresh from their wrappers. Neatly tucked twin bell mouths conclude the slithering trails of mesmerising pipe welds winding down each side of the bike. Visual pops come from tyre paint and the dynamic contrast of spoke and rim. Setting it apart, Amber’s rider view is given priority. A striking golden clock and all routine cable and reservoir mess is displaced elsewhere or internalised within hook ended bars. Pilot posture is dictated by bar drop and rear sets and appears aggressive, despite the bobber seat. Overall impression is of a form hatched by an insect, rather than sculpted metal. A truly exquisite thing.
2. First Reserve & Lead Historic Dog (Honda CX500)
Second Time Lucky by John Garrett
Whilst uncertain that a single-sided maroon saddle bag would have featured high on a list of desirable features at the outset, all that does is expose a criminal lack of imagination on my part. Sadly I’m old enough to recall with fervour the true horror of the Plastic Maggot. Endlessly berated by the bike press and brandished ruthlessly nationwide by a generation of couriers, seemingly covered in barnacles. The engine has become a popular base for specials and certainly has the ideal squat characteristics for a Cafe Racer. In keeping with great design, the outcome is greater than the sum of its parts. It simply just works from pointy end to tail. The deep black lavished on the original wheels and engine block provide a thick underline for the sharp minimalist lines above. The beautifully crafted pipe is a discrete joy - visually at least, I’d hope it is VERY LOUD. Bold detail choices are perfect now but seem far from obvious - yellow tyre paint, colour matched leather grips and the final triumph of tail graphics that remind the ghosts of Hammamatsu what SHOULD have been Made In Japan. Magnificent.
3. Third Place & Finest Italian Thoroughbred (Ducati)
Silvaspeeder by Sean Routledge
Although the ST4 was by no means in the CX500 category of parental low points - the sports tourer was far from Ducati’s finest hour. All the more joyous then that Sean’s creation consigns all that to history. No denying that this belongs very much in my personal wheelhouse but that also means that a good deal of time was spent poring over the competition (that word again). It is true, of course, that going fully naked cafe racer with a water cooled plant is not without risk but the final finish and sheer heft of the engine pulls it off. Marchesini wheels provide the essential exotic whiff of Borgo Panigale and paired with the single sided conversion, set this bike apart. The silver flake topping off the strident tank lends the bike its name and reportedly did not come to life without heartache. Well worth the temporary pain. Bravo.
